5. Being safer

Protect yourself! Be in great shape for all that ethical travelling, shopping, working..... Here's a taster of the advice available from these specialist organisations

Personal safety

The Suzy Lamplugh Trust and the Home Office, among others, produce excellent, balanced advice which should help you feel as well as be safer.

The Home Office also has some solid advice about personal safety including the following:

  • You will be safest in bright, well-lit and busy areas.
  • Try to look and act confident - look like you know where you are going and walk tall.
  • You might like to spread your valuables around your body. For example, keep your phone in your bag, your house keys in your trouser pocket and your money in your jacket.
  • If someone tries to take something from you, it may be better to let them take it rather than to get into
  • a confrontation and risk injury.
  • You can use reasonable force in self-defence. You are allowed to protect yourself with something you are carrying anyway (for example, keys or a can of deodorant), but you may not carry a weapon.
  • If you decide to defend yourself, be aware that your attacker might be stronger than you, or may take what you are using in self-defence and use it against you. It is often better just to shout loudly and run away.
  • Shout 'fire' rather than 'help' - it can get more results.
  • If you use a wheelchair, keep your things beside you rather than at the back of the chair.
  • Try not to be conspicuous about the valuables you are carrying. Talking on your mobile phone, carrying a laptop, or showing your friend your new gold ring all show thieves that you are worth robbing.
  • When out walking or jogging, you should not listen to a personal stereo through headphones, so you can stay more alert to your surroundings.

Here's a summary of Home Office guidance, but the full version is in an excellent long leaflet downloadable here.

Getting help for or supporting someone experiencing domestic violence

Women's Aid is the starting point for advice and support for women subjected to domestic violence

The BBC's Hitting Home campaign website includes the following reassurance for women who are contemplating leaving violent partners:

  • There is life after abuse and it does get better.
  • Most formerly abused women don't regret leaving, they regret not having left earlier. Even those that went back rarely regret leaving temporarily, because it lay down a 'marker' in their relationship (and, of course, most of them later left again).
  • Although it can sometimes be hard at the beginning, it's usually no worse than living with him, and when you re-establish your life, it is usually much better than living with him.
  • Ending any relationship, especially one with children involved, is hard irrespective of the reasons and how 'right' it may feel. Healing is rarely immediate; it will take time but it does get better. Remember also that you may be especially vulnerable to the charm and flattery of predatory men at this time, so be aware that you may need some time to fully recover from the abuse before getting involved in another committed relationship.

The website also includes this advice for people wanting to support friends who may be experiencing, or at risk of, domestic violence:

  • People often feel awkward about 'taking sides' and try to keep out of it, saying 'it's not really any of my business'. Friends and family may think that they are being 'neutral' but ignoring it doesn't help. There are things you can do.
  • If you think a friend or loved one is being abused, try telling her that you're concerned, say why you're worried and ask if she wants to talk to you about it. Let her know you want to help. You don't have to know all the answers. The important thing is to break the isolation.
  • Always prioritise safety - yours and theirs. The abuser won't appreciate you getting involved so be careful about what you do and where and when you do it.
  • Support your friend in whatever decision she's currently making about her relationship, whilst being clear that the abuse is wrong. Remember, what you are trying to do is be supportive, not to make her feel judged. It's not always easy for women to just leave.
  • Maintain contact with her overtime and help her to explore her options. Let her guide you in how best to support her.
  • Help her to build her self-esteem; remind her of her good points, challenge her if she puts herself down or blames herself, praise her for every step she takes and let her know she has your support.
Practical Tips
  • Agree a code word or action that if she says to you or you see, you know she's in danger and cannot access help herself.
  • Offer to keep copies of important documents and other items (see Crisis plan) so that if she has to leave in a hurry, she doesn't have to waste time collecting important belongings.
  • Find out information for her so she can make informed choices.
  • Get some support yourself. You have to be strong if you're going to be able to help her. Most domestic violence services are happy to help with any worries you may have or provide suggestions as to other actions you might take. (See Who can I talk to? for contact details).
  • Most importantly, don't give up on her. You might be her only lifeline.

Avoiding accidents

For advice about how to avoid everything from finger trapping to firework accidents, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents is clearly the place to go:

Here are some of their tips on avoiding accidents at home:

HOME SAFETY

  • Avoid trips, slips and falls by ensuring halls & stairways are always well lit and free from clutter.
  • Change light bulbs safely, without the risk of falling by using a stable step-stool. Avoid using old chairs to climb on.
  • Stay safe from fire by testing smoke alarms monthly and be sure all the family know how to escape in the event of a fire.
  • Avoid burns and scalds, particularly to children, by always using the cooker's back ring or hotplate first and position panhandles so that they can't be pulled over and by keeping hot drinks out of reach of children
  • Reduce the likelihood of household fires and carbon monoxide poisoning from faulty flues or equipment by having gas, oil or solid fuel heating appliances professionally serviced once a year.
  • Reduce the risk of electrical fires and electrocution by never using appliances with cracked plugs or worn cables. Avoid overloading electric sockets with too many appliances.
  • Avoid fire risks by using guards with all fires and heaters and keep clothing, furniture and curtains away from all heat sources, including candles,
  • To minimise the risk of falls from windows, install and use restrictor catches on all upstairs windows and place furniture away from windows
  • Reduce trips, slips and falls by always quickly cleaning up spills.
  • Poisoning or chemical burns can be prevented storing medicines and household chemicals out of sight and out of reach of children, preferably in a secure, high-level kitchen cupboard.
  • Avoid bath time scalds by running cold water before hot and carefully testing water temperature, particularly before bathing children who should never be let unattended
  • Don't risk electrocution by taking electrical appliances into the bathroom. Water is a good conductor of electricity so you should never touch electrical appliances with wet hands.

GARDEN SAFETY

  • Protect yourself from electrocution by always using a Residual Current Device (RCD) when operating electrically powered garden tools and mowers
  • Avoid poisoning and chemical burns by storing chemicals for use in garage or garden safely out of sight and out of reach of children, preferably in a secure cabinet
  • Reduce the risk of small children drowning by securely fencing or filling-in garden ponds or water features and always supervising children near water.
  • Avoid accidents and injury when doing DIY tasks by always operating within the range of your skills, ability and experience. Always use personal protective equipment including gloves, goggles, helmet, and facemask and safety shoes as appropriate and recommended for the task and follow manufacturers instructions.
  • Avoid injury from falls by always checking a ladders condition before use and using at a safe angle (1 in 4).
  • Avoid injury from sharp garden tools to users or children by keeping them in good repair and safely tidied away after use. Keep children safely away whenever using lawnmowers, doing DIY projects or household repairs.
  • Prevent accidental poisoning or injuries to yourself or others by carefully following manufacturers instructions when using weed killers, adhesives and solvents. Never transfer to alternative containers that could confuse and lead to poisonings.
  • Prevent injury from trips, slips and falls, by providing safety rails and barriers to changes in garden levels and ensure all paths and steps are level, stable and free from moss
  • Avoid uncontrollable fires by always siting bonfires and barbecues well away from fences, sheds and trees. Supervise children all the time.

Kids manage to find incredible ways of injuring themselves - and each other. There's some good advice about protecting them on the Child Accident Prevention Trust's website