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For people at each stageBenefit from the excellent information that’s out there Sometimes the best information and support can come from organisations with expertise including but beyond self-harming. Excellent resources for people in emotional distress are available from: Mind (National Association for Mental Health) www.mind.org.uk There’s no shortage of information about self-harming, and the sheer extent of it can itself be off-putting. We’d particularly recommend the book The Scarred Soul by Tracy Alderman.The book is empathetic and informative and has a series of very useful self-help exercises. Similarly, Women and Self Harm is very practical and is co-written by a woman who self-harmed. It, unusually for self-harm publications, has a very mellow, constructive chapter for friends and family. Other excellent resources specific to self-harm include: Bristol Crisis Centre for Women www.users.zetnet.co.uk/BCSW/ There’s a very comprehensive resources’ list on the National Self Harm Network’s website. www.nshn.co.uk/resources.html. Their own resources, such as the Hurt Yourself Less Workbook, are particularly useful for people with very severe and long-term problems with self-harming. Conversely, the tone and contents may be counter-productive for some people with less chronic and less risky self-harming practices. Consider whether your self-harming has addictive aspects For many of us, self-harming becomes an addiction. This makes it even harder to avoid self-harming when we’re distressed but can also draw us to having overwhelming cravings to hurt ourselves at other times. Some people find that using the 12 Steps approach of groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous can enable them to beat the addiction. These groups and networks are consistently welcoming and supportive and should be unfazed about including those of us who self-harm with implements rather than substances. You may feel that your self-harming is a specific, contained response to extreme emotional distress rather than having a strong attraction in itself. However, there are still valuable lessons from the addiction field for all of us. A phrase that’s often used in 12 Steps programmes is that addicts “isolate and use on the feelings”. In other words, we shut ourselves off, or away and instead of expressing our feelings (ideally to other people), we “use” – in our case, with implements or similar rather than with drink or drugs. There are various specific aspects of addiction treatment which we can benefit from, including Contact Alcoholics Anonymous via www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk or on 0845 769 7555 “I felt rather fraudulent as a teetotaller at my first AA meeting! But people were very welcoming and I’ve found the regular support and focus an essential part of helping me to stop self-harming.”
Perhaps controversially, we’d strongly recommend that at some stages it’s much better not looking at any resources specifically for people who self-harm. This is especially so for people who may be struggling with not starting to self-harm. In our experience, reading about the experiences of people who self harm can make us more likely to want, and learn how, to experiment with this. The parallels with drug abuse are obvious. The mental health organisations listed above (Mind, Rethink, MDF) may well be safer sources of more general information and advice. Be prepared! We’ve found it pretty essential always to have to hand (to bag, to pocket etc…) a list of diversion techniques and also of phone numbers of people to ring when, or ideally before, things feel intolerable. It can be too difficult to think of or find these things in the midst of great emotional distress. And it’s also worth carrying around one or two of the portable resources suggested in the section below – along the lines of hand-held puzzles rather than a nicely stocked fridge…. Ironically, it works much better to practice when we don’t need to! In other words, to become familiar with some of the specialised techniques when we’re not feeling great distress nor feeling like self-harming. It’s very hard to get to grips with anything new and demanding when all our energy is going into simply trying to cope with the overwhelming feelings of the moment. Breathe a bit better Virtually every (good) book about stress and distress describes the benefits of improved breathing ‘techniques’. Either there is a global respiratory conspiracy going on, or there really is something therapeutic about harnessing our breathing to help our recovery. One of the best explanations of this process is in the fabulous book Instant Calm by Paul Wilson. Reassuringly, he’s not a sandal-wearing mountain-top dweller, but a high-powered advertising exec! So he does really know about excessive demands and pressures. Trusted friends and family You’d do it for them so let them do it for you. Let them listen. Empathise. Laugh with you. Cry with you. Give you too much wine/chocolate/advice. Most of them may not be able to understand the paradoxical nature of self-harming, but they’ll still be able to show that they care for and love you. And that they want to support you not to be in the terrible sort of state which compels you to self-harm. 24/7 Listening – and more The Samaritans provide an amazing service, day and night, 365 days a year. Of course they’re best known for their phone service, but they also provide support by email, letter and face-to-face with people coming into their local branches. (And they train prisoners to become Listeners. And they have stands at festivals!). To contact the Samaritans: Phone: 08457 909090 or email: jo@samaritans.org or write to: Chris Speak to someone face to face at a local branch by finding the address by ringing, writing or emailing, or from your local phone directory. “I’ve found it very reassuring that I can speak to The Samaritans when I’m in too bad a state to speak to friends. I don’t need to worry about them being upset and they’re always supportive and constructive.” | Quick links... |