For people who self-harm

The best resources

There’s nothing we can really add to existing resources, which generally include advice and support about reducing the physical risks while self-harming, and ways of managing to stop self-harming. The most valuable resources are listed above.

Preparing for eventually reducing or stopping self-harming

The Stages of Change model researched and constructed by Prochaska and others, describes the processes that people go through to achieve behavioural change, particularly in relation to health habits – smoking, drinking etc. It’s an interesting model, based on the findings of how thousands of people managed without professional help to free themselves from addictions and other ingrained behavioural patterns. The book Changing for Good sets out in a very clear way the systematic processes which create these huge changes.

The importance of this model is that there are 5 very distinct stages in the process of change, and we need to recognise and respond to the particular stage we’re in. The stages are:

1. pre-contemplation – when we don’t realise there’s a problem, let alone what the solution might be
2. contemplation – we start to think about changing the habit, but are still very ambivalent
3. preparation – OK – we’re serious now! We’ve made the decision to kick whatever unhealthy stuff we’re doing, and are making realistic, careful plans for how to achieve this
4. action – yup – action. Doing it. No putting it off but getting stuck into improving our lives by losing the crap that’s impeding us.
5. maintenance – the real challenge! Sticking to it for years, for ever. Too tough to imagine in the early, day, or hour at a time stages, but it’s heartening to read all the stories about those who have achieved this.

Recognising these stages, and where we are in relation to them, can be incredibly helpful in being able to move towards stopping self-harming. It can, for example, be tempting one day to galvanise enough emotional strength to impulsively decide to stop. “That’s it. It’s doing too much damage. It can only get worse and harder to stop. It will be hard but somehow I’ll do it.” Etc etc. The trouble with relatively spontaneous, or certainly under-prepared decisions to stop is that they’re unlikely to succeed or be sustainable. It really is preferable to move from contemplating change to actively and thoroughly preparing for it. By identifying which stage of change we’re in, we’re much, much more likely to be successful in achieving this.

If you get the chance to prepare for stressful situations

Sometimes it is possible to anticipate particularly stressful events (whether it’s going to the dentist or to a fractious relative). And if you can anticipate these times, you might be able to work out a way of minimising its impact on you, by looking at the situation in a broader context than usual. It can be very reassuring to remember, for example, times when we have been able to cope with that or comparable situations. If we can reduce the stress, we’re less likely to self-harm. We’ve produced the Unsticking Sheet as a tool for gauging how bad a situation really will be, or has been, providing an opportunity to unstick some possibly unhelpful thoughts or feelings.

And for our long-suffering friends and family

Even the best resources, such as The Scarred Soul, can sound patronising or even aggressive about how friends, relatives and others we love should respond to self-harming. As if it’s not enough that people who really care about us have to cope with being powerless to stop us inflicting violence on ourselves, without being berated in the process! The mellowest, most constructive information resource we’ve found for friends and family is the booklet called Forfriends and family. It’s one of a series produced by the Bristol Crisis Centre for Women www.users.zetnet.co.uk/BCSW/

“Undoubtedly the worst thing for me about my self-harming has been the impact it’s had on my partner. It’s introduced awful things into our relationship, like concealment, half-truths – and loads of stress. She has been very supportive throughout it all, despite it being such a shock and also so distressing for her.”