For people contemplating stopping self-harming

Beware of imitations!

The books Changing for Good, Women and Self Harm and The Scarred Soul are an invaluable source of information, practical exercises and encouragement. Our one reservation is that some of the ‘alternatives’ to self-harming (eg using ice or punching pillows) recommended by most sources, including The Scarred Soul, actually mimic self-injurious behaviour. From our experience, it’s much safer and more sustainable to find absorbing diversions which don’t replicate key features of self-harming, if at all possible. The book Bodily Harm by Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader sets out very clearly why mimicking activities reinforce rather than dilute self-injuring. Firstly these reinforce the pattern of responding to stress with something self-punitive, albeit in a milder, safer form. And secondly, it delays getting to the ideal stage of being able to express in words what we’re feeling. As with many aspects of self harming, there’s a clear parallel with alcoholism: an alcoholic having an alcohol free beer. Not exactly the most helpful way of ridding themselves of an addictive behaviour.

We hope that some of the ideas in the next section are helpful in this crucial stage of planning for the big leap into a non-self-harming future.

“I’ve done things which are safer versions of self-harming and they can help take the edge off my distress. But as often as not I end up feeling that I may as well have self-harmed and that it’s still a really unhealthy way of dealing with my difficult feelings.”